In 2020, recently widowed Nicky Wake was running a successful management agency, caring for her teenage son and coping with the recent loss of Andy, her beloved husband of eighteen years.
He had suffered a massive and utterly debilitating heart attack in 2017, a lack of oxygen to his brain during CPR caused a catastrophic brain injury which caused life changing injuries and him requiring 24/7 round the clock care in a specialist nursing home, he lived for three years before sadly died age 57 years old in the early days of COVID-19. Nicky recalls vividly, ‘One minute, we were living our busy, happy, chaotic life. The next moment, he was ill, gone, and I was a widow, a solo parent and completely lost.’
The pressures upon her were constant and intense. A social drinker as a teenager, Nicky now turned seriously to drink for succour. As a high-functioning alcoholic, she was able to keep up appearances, ensuring neither her son’s school attendance nor her highly successful B2B events agency suffered- ostensibly. Sadly, but predictably, Nicky ultimately and erroneously was to regard alcohol as her rock, her panacea and her pal in combating the tribulations besetting her.
She explains, ’The weight of grief, combined with the challenges of single parenthood and running my businesses during a global pandemic, led me to depend on booze as my coping mechanism. As long as there was some within reach, I thought I was fine. I dared not run out of wine. I was using it as a way to numb the pain and stress.’
She existed for a further four years in this acute alcoholic state before recognising her dire need for rehabilitation. In November 2024, via BUPA, Nicky voluntarily booked herself into The Priory’s intensive residential rehab treatment. At long last, her family, friends and business associates could heave deep sighs of relief.
Nicky says, ‘28 days of constant therapy, counselling, CBT, hypnosis and meditation provided everything I needed to change my life around. I was very lucky.’ Since then, Nicky has been intent upon sharing her experiences, clarifying, ‘The reality of losing your identity overnight when you find you are no longer a wife but now a widow is terrifying. But to move on, I always emphasise the significance hope plays after grief. I know it can feel quite impossible to find hope when you are actually experiencing your loss, but I do assure you that it is definitely there, just waiting for you to notice it.’
At 53, Nicky can now boast complete sobriety. And confirming her positive, outward-looking, healthier and sportier lifestyle, in March, she set up her Sober Love app. This Dating Agency and App is designed specifically for recovering or recovered alcoholics-sometimes named drink abusers.
She recalls, ‘I actually registered this newest business- SoberLove.app- whilst I was in rehab after reading a leaflet about sober sex. It brought me to the terrifying realisation that I had never had sober sex. It also implied any new love life was about to become difficult. I realised how tricky it would be to navigate the dating world as a newly sober person. After all, your first invite is invariably to go and meet up with someone somewhere for a drink. And that could well entail a premature and perhaps uncomfortable explanation of one’s predicament regarding alcohol. And to be honest, by now, the idea of a sober date, or even sober love, was beginning to feel daunting. I saw the need for a supportive, judgment-free space for people like me, embarking on their own new journey. That is why I created my app.’
She adds, ‘My journey has been one of love, loss, and transformation. Over time, I figured out that grief doesn’t destroy hope; it just makes it look a little different. And hope means that even after all the grief, the future still holds some fun and yes, maybe some awkward first dates ahead.’
Dropping into alcoholism is easy. The way out of it is hard, but it opens new avenues. Nicky Wake is now in top form mentally and physically. She cannot wait for others to follow her lead into greater health via abstinence. She sums up saying, ‘For anyone out there struggling, you don’t have to do it alone. Asking for help was the hardest step, but for me, it was the best one I ever took. Remember, everyone has their own battles, and it’s really okay to talk about them.’
Alcoholism is the continued drinking of alcohol despite it causing problems. The harm may be physical or mental; it may also be social, legal, or economic. Because such use is usually considered to be compulsive and under diminished control, alcoholism is considered by a majority of clinicians, but not all, as an addiction and a disease.
Soberlove,app
By Fay Wertheimer
